As a general rule, menstruation in Western and Eastern society is positioned in one of two boxes : either the continuation of mankind that should be kept invisible, or the uncontrollable ending of a monthly feminine cycle that is shameful and unclean if not properly hidden. This blog post will touch on both of these points as they are repeatedly turned into taboo subjects due to painful social stigmas.
I talk often in therapy about honoring the male and female body by exploring it without judgment, scrutiny, or reproach. I believe that only when we are in acceptance of our bodies - imperfect as they are - can we relax into the pleasure of a fulfilling sexual experience. It is therefore a great pain for me when women talk about their menstruation as an experience that takes them away from the appreciation of their bodies. This isn’t a surprising reaction to menstruation given the cultural rhetoric around bleeding and the importance of covering it up so that it is invisible. However, it was not always this way. In Judy Grahn’s “Blood, Bread, and Roses”, she explains that ancient rites around menstruation are the foundation of our culture today…that menstruation not only served as the basis of reproduction, but also as a marker of celebration and ceremony involving special clothing, food, and a period of seclusion. This led to contemporary material culture with examples in makeup, jewelry, furniture, and decorations. However we have come so far from these ancient rites - in time and in the way that we live - that menstruation has taken on a completely different, isolated identity from those original, ancient ways. Perhaps this is also due to humankind’s desire to always evolve, change, and progress. If we associate menstruation with our ancestors thousands of years ago, it risks to be seen as a sign that we have not advanced (enough) from our cave-man ancestors. This is an unfortunate loss of sight and appreciation for the birth of our ancient rites.
As a relationship therapist, my work with couples often involves the subject of fertility. Couples who are trying to get pregnant, recovering from infertility issues, or maintain disagreements around becoming parents are topics that walk through my door with couples more often than not. I find it helpful to air out these subjects among the three of us in order to bring it all “into the room”. This means discussing expectations around parenthood, hopes for the future, and taking stock of the couple’s physical and mental health regarding (in)fertility. Mixed up in these discussions many times is the woman’s role in becoming pregnant. She is often the default party to take on the responsibility of the pregnancy, and her efforts to gain control of this unpredictable process frequently involves physical monitoring of her monthly hormonal cycle. This observation can shift her yoni from a source of pleasure and erotic knowledge to a vehicle that is poked and prodded with temperature taking, urine samples, and hormonal injections. The focus of love-making can therefore quickly shift to a mechanical process of insemination. Moreover, period blood can be an extremely painful, reoccurring reminder for a couple that pregnancy has not been achieved, linking pain and disappointment with the menstruation.
What would happen if we brought these taboo subjects of menstruation and fertility into the light? What if we could find the courage to dig into our emotions and sift through the fear, anger, pain, and shame to see where it all comes from? Does it come from intergenerational trauma? Societal messages? Personal experience? What I know is that the more women embrace their bodies, and the mysteries that happen within them, the more their yonis give back. And when yonis are happy, the world becomes a better place to live in.
